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Chiron, Soul Perspectives and
Sacred Contracts
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“When I was younger,
so much younger than today
I never needed anybody’s help in any way.
But now those days are gone
And I’m not so self-assured
Now I find
I’ve changed my mind
I’ve opened up the doors.”
~ Help! Copyright © 1965 The Beatles
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The Beatles had it
right: When we’re young and full of rebellious piss and vinegar, we
believe we have all the answers and don’t need to look for guidance from
anything or anyone other than our own inner guru.
That it were that
simple.
When I was younger –
about twenty-eight years ago – because I hadn’t received the help that I
needed for several extremely traumatic events that occurred between the
time I was twelve and eighteen, a short time later I chose to follow my
own counsel and ended up changing the course of the lives of several
people without stopping to think of the consequences of my actions. And
even though I sincerely believed that I was doing the best thing I could
possibly do for everyone involved, had I the guidance I so desperately
needed at the time I required it, everyone’s life would have, no doubt,
turned out much differently. We would have been quite a bit happier than
we all seem to be at present.
Or would we?
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Soul Perspectives
The fact is, short of
an alternate dimension time machine, as far as we know, there’s really no
way to tell if one course of action is preferable to another. All we can
do from our limited human perspectives, is the best we can with what we
have at hand. In this case, the limited knowledge and fore-vision that
these frail human shells and this existence brings is all we have to work
with.
For years I agonized
over that course of action, beating myself up because of the decision I
had made, and the relentless, ever-present memory of the effects those
actions had on the innocent people I had hurt along the way. This,
however, created even more problems. Instead of focusing on the NOW – my
life at each present moment in time – I was locked into a backward, myopic
view of a past that I could never change, the trail of broken hearts that
lay behind me, a testament to the fear which I still could not relinquish
long enough to see the truth of my own ignorance.
What a waste of
precious time. What was done, was done. There truly was no going back.
Yet, still, I couldn’t
seem to let go of my past, nor find the answers I so desperately needed in
order to alleviate the emotional pain which had become such an intrinsic
part of my life.
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The Search
Everyone
is different with respect to the way they interpret and deal with the
past. Some can’t wait to shed theirs and never think about it again;
others’ are indifferent; and still others’ can’t seem to let go.
Unfortunately, because I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and because
my natal birth chart is so drenched in the 12th House,
Neptunian influences of the Past, I have been one of the latter. Further,
my Pluto in Leo in the 1st House and my Mercury in Virgo have
caused me to be relentless in finding those answers: I needed to
understand what had happened to me, why I was the way I was and had done
the things I’d done to hurt so many innocent people regardless of the fact
that I loved them so much. I didn’t hurt them, purposely, mind you, but
the affect was the same as if I had.
Because of my
‘Christian’ upbringing, my first inclination was to explore religion in
order to alleviate the pain and hopefully gain the understanding and
respite I needed. However, although I believe in a Higher Intelligence, I
finally realized that all religions are divisive and inevitably cause far
too much dissension, not only between individuals, but amongst nations.
Consequently, religion, too, created far more problems than it solved;
therefore I was no farther along my road to self-healing than from that
point from which I had begun.
It was during this
truly dark night of the soul, that I began to investigate another avenue
of potential promise: could astrology hold the answers I sought?
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Understanding the
Significance of my Natal Astrological Chart
The first time I saw my
natal chart nearly 30 years ago, I Sensed PAIN. I couldn’t make heads nor
tails of the glyphs and other symbols, but I sincerely felt such turbulent
emotions when looking at all the planets jammed into the 12th
House, that I strongly Sensed that there was something difficult about the
various planetary placements. In fact, I remember that the first thing
that came to my mind was the word: KARMA. And at this point I knew
virtually nothing about astrology, and even less about reincarnation.
But what was the
significance of it all?
Eventually I learned
what that significance portended.
For instance, my
choosing to be born with so many planets in the 12th House
could mean at least one of three things (if not more), and possibly a
combination thereof: 1) That I am, indeed, experiencing karmic
retribution (12th House = the Past, karma) for some past-life
misdeeds for which I need to learn or relearn those lessons in this
life; 2) that I am choosing to learn these lessons now since I need to
fulfill my ‘quota’ of experiences, and/or 3) that I have something of
great import which needs to be accomplished in this life which requires
that I experience these lessons so that I will be better able to
accomplish whatever it is that I came here to do.
As for the ‘something
of great import,’ this is indicated by the geometric planetary
configuration involving several planets called a Yod or Finger of God,
with Uranus at 29 degrees 32 minutes of Cancer (and which is also my 12th
House ruler) as the base for one corner of the Yod, sextile my Mercury in
Virgo, both of which quincunx my Chiron (wounded relationships) in
Aquarius in the 6th House (health, work, service to others).
With Chiron being the focal planet, it seems that my main purpose in this
lifetime is to assist others – through my wounds – to come to terms with
and release their own. As the astrologer/musician, Martin Lass, says of
the lessons Chiron teaches: “The gift is in the wound.” And so it seems,
it certainly is. Especially for me.
Knowing this, however
was one thing; really feeling, learning and growing from it was something
totally different and which has required a whole new visual aide besides
the rose colored glasses through which I’d chosen to view the world and my
life.
Once the filters came
off – once I ceased living in denial about what had happened to me and
stopped stuffing all my feelings down inside to the point that they were
festering and bursting at the proverbial seams to get out – the anger that
had been simmering for so long and occasionally made its way to the
surface when interacting with such innocents as my 2nd
ex-husband – came out full force. I was angry at the world, but more
specifically, at the individuals who had hurt and betrayed me.
These were not minor
wounds, mind you. It wasn’t just a matter of ‘sucking it up,’ ‘living with
it,’ and ‘getting over it.’ I couldn’t. PTSD does that to you. Had the
wounds been minor, I would have been more than happy to let them slide, to
forget about them altogether, which I’ve done with many other things
throughout my life. But after being sexually abused by five different men
by the time I was 18, physically abused and tortured by two of those men
and other too-difficult-to-relate occurrences, I couldn’t let go of what
had happened. I couldn’t forgive. In fact, once I finally acknowledged
that I was not Superwoman, as I’d believed myself to be (and tried
to prove every day, in everything I did), I nearly lost touch with
reality. And my 2nd ex-husband, my oldest daughter, and others
suffered for it.
Yet, regardless of my
realizations, it took me nearly 32 years to finally admit that I really
needed help in alleviating the pain and anger, and learning to let go of
the past.
Even still, after eight
years of therapy, although I had made some headway, I continued to
feel as though I wasn’t any closer to understanding why things had
happened as they did, nor could I let go of the anger I felt towards those
individuals whom I believed were the cause of my seemingly forcefully
altered life course.
Yet, instinctively I
knew, that if I were to be free of the anger and pain, to finally reach
the state of peace that had eluded me for so long, I had to make a
concerted effort to forgive those whom I believed were responsible for my
pain, and – at a deep Soul level – integrate what I knew and what I had
continued to learn in order to finally put to rest the demons that had
continued to haunt me.
Yet, I still wasn’t
quite clear on exactly what I needed to do to accomplish that.
Then somewhere along
the way I learned about reincarnation.
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‘Sacred Contracts’
Carolyn Myss, who wrote
Sacred Contracts, Awakening Your Divine Potential, may have
‘coined’ the term, but not necessarily the idea. Through my mother and
other sources, I was familiar with this concept many years before Ms.
Myss’s book came out, though I hadn’t formulated a cohesive theory, as
such, until the book brought several things together for me.
What I had determined
from my own experiences and extensive research into this and many other
related subjects, is that this isn’t the only life our Soul lives, nor is
this the only planet on which, or the only dimension in
which we experience life. As Souls who are intrinsically one with the
Divine Source, yet who have been sent forth to experience consciousness in
various forms, we each continue to learn those lessons that will
eventually (hopefully sooner than later) return us to that state of
enlightenment or Divine Bliss from which we began.
I also believe that In
Between lives we write out our script for the next life, based on the
lessons we feel we either need to learn, or relearn, and enlist
members of our Soul Family (and possibly some members of other Soul
Families) in assisting us in learning a specific lesson by coming into our
lives at a certain point to facilitate that lesson.
Additionally, I believe
that we choose the exact time of our entrance into this world (our
astrological natal chart), so that we are born with just the right
personality traits which will also help us to learn those lessons.
This was great stuff, I
decided, but…what next? How did I apply this newly realized knowledge in
my own case, or for that matter – and more importantly – how could I
utilize this information in such a way as to stop feeling the pain and
anger and the projected blame that had been such a large part of my life?
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“Radical
Self-Forgiveness”
Eventually I managed to
let go of the blame and anger towards those who had hurt and betrayed me.
Yet, knowing that I had drawn up a Sacred Contract with everyone who has
ever influenced my life in any way, didn’t seem to be enough to assist me
in letting go of the pain.
Because it was not
quite so easy to stop being angry towards and blaming myself for what I
had done to my 2nd ex-husband, my daughter and others, it was
then that I realized that the pain came from inside me. It was
self-inflicted.
As the saying goes,
“When the student is ready, the Teacher will appear,” it was about this
time that I came across a book entitled: “Radical
Forgiveness,” by Colin C. Tipping. According to Tipping (who also
believes in reincarnation), “This book will change your life.” And I have
to admit, it certainly did. (Go to
Kat’s Book Nook Reviews for my review of this book.)
What I had come to
realize is that, along with the probability that we draw up contracts with
other Souls to experience various lessons in each incarnation, when it
comes to situations which cause us pain, there really is nothing to
forgive. That is, because other Souls are merely doing what we’ve
scripted with them to do, those acts which we believed were perpetrated
against us, in actuality, were events that we scripted for ourselves!
Yes, truly ‘radical,’
and yet it made far more sense than so much of the blather organized
religion, philosophy and even secularism has attempted to cram down our
throats for so many thousands of years. Additionally, it fit in quite
snugly with what I saw in my astrological chart.
The fact is, even
though I still feel sad over the pain others have experienced because of
my actions, I have finally been able to forgive myself, because I firmly
believe that they, too, drew up their contracts with me for their own set
of experiences.
This knowledge hasn’t
necessarily made it easier for me to accept that I’ve harmed others, but
at least it’s allowed me to understand why things have happened as they
have and to finally put the past in the past and move on with my
life…without all the pain, anger and self-recrimination that dwelling on
events that are in the past, ultimately brings.
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Conclusion
Why, you might ask, am
I being so open about all this? Because that is what I came into this
life to do as can be seen from my natal astrological chart: to help
others understand their wounds by exposing my own, and to show how I’ve
been able to alchemize or transform those wounds into positive
experiences. To understand that the pain we’ve experienced – and which
we’ve caused others – was created as an object lesson to assist towards
our goal of perfection and Divine Bliss with a Higher Intelligence, the
All That Is, the Great Spirit….
Namaste and Much Love,
Kat Starwolf
Copyright © 2007 Kat
Starwolf All Rights Reserved
Kat Starwolf is a
practicing relationship and empathic counseling astrologer, researcher,
metaphysician and avid reader of anything pertaining to human
inter-relatedness, emotions, sexuality, sociology and psychology. She is
also currently working on her degree in counseling psychology. She may be
contacted at 400 Capital Circle SE, Suite 18-255, Tallahassee, Florida
32301, by phone at 850-980-0250 or via her website
http://www.starwolfastrology.com .
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